For several different reasons, up until last night Theo and I have not received any ‘official’ pre-marital counseling. We have talked to numerous people on a regular basis, read several books and attended several group sessions, so we are not simply avoiding it! Due to health issues, the couple that we chose to mentor us has not been able to. So, instead, starting last night we met with some of my favorite people, Mark and Meredith to receive specific-to-our-relationship pre-marital counseling.
We simply went over our information, which was incredibly encouraging to me. According to our ‘test’ results, we have a very healthy relationship and are able to resolve conflict (this certainly does not mean that we do not have conflict!). The funniest part to me was when we opened up this chart. I took a picture of just one section of it. Can you guess which color I am???
It says… Theo: “This individuals tend to be more relaxed, calm and less prone to distress. They are likely to be emotionally stable even when confronted with stressful situations. At times, they can even appear unfeeling or unflappable. They often consider life’s stressors to be minor passing annoyances and have an ability to remain composed in situations that others find difficult”
Me, on the other hand: ” These individuals are more emotionally sensitive and may be easily upset. They have more difficulty handling stress in their life. They often don’t enjoy new situations, and may tend to avoid such experiences. They may be prone to anxiety, anger or depression when faced with such stressful situations. When out of balance, these individuals appear fragile or overly sensitive.”
Personally, I think they could have said something a little bit more encouraging about my very high emotions, such as the fact that I am sensitive and compassionate to the pain of others, too. Theo says my emotions are the best part of me, although sometimes they are also the worst.
And this is why God has brought us together. This is why I am marrying Theo. Hahahaha.
This morning I was reflecting on the fact that Theo and I really cannot take credit for how healthy our relationship has been, and how solid our beginning foundation seems to be. No, all the credit goes first to the Lord, and second to our parents/families. Everything that we agree on (relationship roles, communication, conflict resolution, etc), we learned from our parents good example. I know that neither of our parents are perfect, but they taught us all of these things. The didn’t teach us through talking about them, either. They taught us through living them out. Through resolving their own conflicts, through communicating, through displaying their own roles within their marriage.
It’s also interesting to note how some of the things we disagree on are a direct result of our parents. For example, money… Oh, we agree on most things money related. We have already established a budget and know where we eventually want to end up with our finances. But our thinking about money is completely different. Theo, the son of a doctor, thinks about it differently than me, someone who has grown up in the poorest country in the world, the daughter of missionaries. Also, Theo is completely frugal with money, I am a spender/giver.
I simply feel so blessed to be going into this union and knowing that I have the full support of both of our parents.