Five Lies

Sorry, another two blog posts in a row. I was driving this morning and thinking about different aspects of getting married. I am really nervous about how much my whole world is going to change when I get married, how Theo and I will suddenly be learning so much about each other, our expectations and how we will do life together as a family rather than separate units. I am also so excited about so many different aspects of marrying the love of my life. So I was thinking of lies that we are told (especially in the church) about marriage.

1. Married people are more beneficial to the church than single people are.

Where does this even come from??? What a lie!! We need to start using both married and single people in the church- for some of the same roles and for some different roles. The next one goes along with this:

2. Married people have attained the ultimate good

Of all the things that could/would happen in life, marriage is the ultimate one. It’s not becoming a believer. This leads to the mindset that if you are still single you have not accomplished things in life. This leads to the idea that single people are still missing something: something huge and important. And that changes the way that marrieds and singles interact. This is also a lie.

3. Married people have sex all the time.

People laugh at me when I say that our house will always be open to visitors. They giggle and blush and say ‘yeah, right, you’ll want all the time that you can get alone’. I’m not married yet, but I know that it’s not true that married people have sex all the time. It’s just a lie!

4. Married people stop sinning sexually after they are married.

This is another one that I think the church really struggles with. Many people in the church will look down on a young dating couple, telling them what they are doing wrong or what is inappropriate. But as soon as marriage occurs, they are fully accepted into the fold. It should not be this way!!! If sexual sin is in the heart before marriage, it will continue to be in the heart after marriage. It may present itself in different ways, but just because a couple has said ‘I do’ does not mean that they have abolished that sin in their heart. I think that this is something that the church really needs to work on.

And my absolute favorite:

5. Married people don’t need friends anymore

WHAT?????!!!! Who says? Just because Theo has become my best friend does not mean that I do not need friends…girlfriends and guy friends! Of course the majority of my quality time will be spent with Theo, but I can GUARANTEE that I will still need my girl nights and chances to hang out with friends on a consistent basis.

 

So there you have it…some lies that I have already heard spoken (or just acted out) related to marriage. What other lies do you think are out there geared towards the marriage/singleness?

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3 thoughts on “Five Lies

  1. Kara Rupnow says:

    My best marriage advice after nearly 4 years is this: Don’t believe the lie that your marriage needs to fit into some kind of mold or pattern. Yes, you do need to look to Scripture for the framework, but the details look different in different marriages. Each relationship comes with its own challenges, joys, and quirks. Some things that are easy for some couples to figure out are difficult for others. For example, one couple may have a hard time figuring out the physical part of the relationship at the beginning, but that part may come easily to another couple who may have a different struggle, such as learning to be patient and considerate toward one another. I read on a good blog site recently that the best way to learn how to be a good wife is to communicate with your husband about it. The writer was encouraging women to not get caught up in watching/reading what other women do and trying to copy them. Focus on the two of you honoring God while being who he created you to be. (I find this comforting because I’m definitely not the world’s best cook or housekeeper. But Ted really likes to cook, so if I took control of the kitchen all the time, he wouldn’t like that. Also, he says I would drive him crazy if I were a neat freak, so being a little untidy sometimes is okay.) It’s good to seek advice from other married women, but while doing this you need to remember that all relationships and situations are different. Seek God, communicate with your spouse, and don’t get too caught up in comparison with other marriages. (Wow, I got a little long-winded with my comment. Must be a topic that is important to me. 🙂 )

  2. richelle says:

    you’re awfully wise for one so young… i wish i had understood even one of those five truths when tim and i got married. i’m just now grasping ahold of the one kara mentioned above – that i’m to be the helpmeet for my husband… and what tim needs and/or wants is not what some other man needs and/or wants.

    one of the best things i’ve ever read on marriage is this:
    http://drkellyflanagan.com/2012/03/02/marriage-is-for-losers/

    one lie: marriage gets easier (or boring, depending on your perspective)… there are all sorts of variations of this idea – i.e. first five years are the hardest).

    in my experience, marriage has gotten better… but i’ve not yet found it becoming easier or ho-hum. the challenges may change over time, but any time you bring two selfish sinners together into such an intimate relationship that will demand selflessness if the marriage is to reflect the image of Christ and His church – it will require hard work, continual effort, new levels of selflessness, etc?

    another lie: marriage will make me happy. let me affirm that i am so happy i’m married to the man i am and i’d say yes again and again, a billion times over… however (another thing i read) – what if God’s purpose in marriage is holiness… not happiness? – not to imply that the two are mutually exclusive. however, there are many times i’m decidely not happy with the present moment… or season – and that is okay because those tend to be growing and changing times.

    suzanne, it is a delight to read how God is growing you – i’m so excited for you and theo and the life you will build together. can’t wait to see what God will do!

  3. I totally agree with both Richelle and Kara! Everybody’s marriage looks slightly different from any one else’s. It’s taken me a long time to get over the ideal picture of a romantic relationship….when neither dad nor I are terrible romantic people! We love each other and we get along, so who says we need to be romantic? Another lie is that your spouse will always understand you and make you happy. I think romance novels, even Christian romance novels, have done a lot to make us think that marriage is always romantic and that your spouse will always “get you”.

    When you and Theo first started talking about marriage, dad and I were ok with it event though you’re young because of your maturity. I agree with Richelle….you have a lot more wisdom than I did at your age!

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