Meh.

Sorry, this post probably won’t have any pictures. I just need to update my people since I’m not on facebook right now about what a crazy up and down weekend/week it has been.

This week is a two day week at school and then I have the rest of the week off- HALLELUJAH! I have been needing a break for weeks now, trust me. When sleeping in on Saturday is getting up at 8, you know that your daily wake-ups are WAY too early.

Theo and I were planning on heading to CT tomorrow to spend Thanksgiving with my family there, but Theo’s grandfather passed away on Saturday, changing our plans so that we can be with the Hines side of the family during this time of grieving. We will be heading to spend Thanksgiving with Theo’s family and then heading to the funeral next Saturday. We know we made the right decision, but it is still so hard for me knowing that I won’t see my brother and sister in law and my extended family until who knows when. Overall, it’s still an exciting and fun time but this little discouragement is weighing on me in a straw-that-broke-the-camels back way.

This weekend I tried my best to work ahead on lesson plans, so that I wouldn’t have to work so much over Thanksgiving break. I wrote five lesson plans and saved them on my flash drive. Through a series of events (and I have no one to blame, although it is not entirely my fault), when I got to school today to print off some of those lesson plans, they were gone. Now, 5 lesson plans may seem like no big deal to you, but when planning on lesson plan takes about an hour, that is 5 hours of work: GONE.  Down the drain, start over again from square one. Hour one. If I wasn’t in the library surrounded by kids at the time when I discovered this, I would have cried my eyes out for at least an hour. I have just tried all day to keep this out of mind and to focus on the kids instead of the 5 hours of work that await me just to get me caught up to where I was before this weekend.

(On a side note- there is absolutely no place in a school that a teacher can go to cry. First off, there are kids everywhere or other staff members everywhere. Second off, we get about 20 minutes away from our class a day- and that is for lunch. You can’t just expect first graders to work independently while you step out in the hall and have a pity party. Anyone have any suggestions on how to manage your emotions and your classroom when you have one of those moments when you just need to let it out? Or does anyone have a place that they can go when they are at school to do this?)

It was also one of those days that I had the biggest headache from crying so much the night before. You see, Theo and I don’t fight that much or that bad, but when we do I always end up crying for a very long time. Usually I don’t post about our ‘fights’ on this blog, but this one in particular is worthy of a post. We sat down to do our couple devotions and started to discuss something (I don’t even remember what it was)… after going around in circles for about 40 minutes, me crying the whole time and both of us getting more and more frustrated, we realized that I had completely misunderstood him. I thought that he went ahead and decided to continue to take classes without including me in the decision, because I had the impression that he had already signed up for classes. So, legitimate, right? I thought he signed up for classes, which he obviously didn’t talk too much to me about. Turns out (after 40 minutes of discussion), that he has not signed up for classes, and therefore there is no way that he had left me out of a decision that he had not even made! When we got to that realization, we just started laughing. Tears running down my face from being so upset, and then suddenly just LAUGHING. How foolish that we fight and argue and continue to defend our side when really we are just completely misinformed!

To top it all off, we put on a Thanksgiving program for the parents today. One student that was getting impatient waiting upfront decided that he would be very rude to me every time I asked him to stop talking. He decided that it would be hilarious to burp at me every time I asked him to be quiet, which his buddies also thought was the most hilarious thing (and all this while classmates are performing and they are standing on stage!). It’s things like that that bring me to the end of myself on a rough day. Thankfully, this student was only in 2nd grade and as soon as I dealt with it by giving him the appropriate punishment (pulling a card), he got his act together.

Despite all of these discouragements that have come my way, God had reminded me over and over again that I have so much to be thankful for. I am challenging myself to come up with a gratitude list this week, instead of running to the corner and crying every time I deem something to be ‘devastating’ in my life. God had reminded me that he will provided for us, but it’s going to be his timing, not mine. God has reminded me that he has me in THIS particular classroom (getting up at THIS particular ungodly hour everyday) for a particular reason. Mmmm I have so many reasons to be thankful.

Gratitude list coming soon!

-Suzanne

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3 thoughts on “Meh.

  1. Christine says:

    It’s hard to find time for yourself when teaching elementary school. I received bad news about my grandmother in the middle of my school day. I gave my kids something to do, left the door open, spoke to the teacher next door, and went to the restroom for a few minutes. When I needed a longer break, I had my supervisor step in for a few minutes while I pulled myself together. Most teachers will understand and help you as much as they can – they’ve been there, too. And sometimes it is ok to step in the hall for a moment – take a deep breath, pray, and refocus. You’ll be doing yourself and your students a favor because it will improve your mood and make you a better teacher.

    Sorry to hear about Theo’s grandfather.

  2. As long as you don’t do it too often, it’s ok to let your kids know you are having a very bad day and that you need them to be patient and kind to you just like you are with them when they have a bad day. Obviously you can’t do this very often or it becomes ineffective. But you are right that teachers don’t have time to themselves to have pity parties, to go to the bathroom, or even to feel sick. Whatever you do, don’t take it out on the kids!
    I’m so sorry you can’t go to CT, but I know the Hines family will be blessed that you are able to attend the funeral.
    I had to chuckle about your fight-that-wasn’t-anything-to-fight about as we have those all too often! “You mean you didn’t really say what I thought you said?”
    We love you tons! I hope this week/weekend will be restful for you.

  3. Kara Rupnow says:

    I’m sorry to hear about Theo’s grandfather. Suzanne, I understand a lot!!! The transitions from student to teacher and from kid to grown up are pretty tough! I remember during my student teaching semester I would go use the bathroom at lunch, and it always took a lot of strength to leave the bathroom and go back to work. I’ll pray that you can easily remember what you typed in those lessons so that you can get them redone quickly. -Kara

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