The emotions continue to grow as a grow closer to the end of this semester. I can’t believe that graduation is two weeks from today, yet at the same time…those two weeks seem like two years. See this post for my reference to the first four ’emotions’ (categorized by wikepedia, of course). Now I will continue to write about the four other emotions, and I might top off the day with a post about some other things that have been going on lately =)
Disgust- disgust. There are so many things that disgust me. When I think about it, so much of this world and this culture are disgusting. Including myself. So many of my actions, my words, and my thoughts are absolutely detestable.
One thing that I am really upset about right now, that I am disgusted with—is the stupid police department of a nearby town. I will try to tell you this story as objectively as possible, but of course…I am on Theo’s side. A couple weeks ago, Theo was heading back from work in the morning (after he worked a night shift). He hit a school zone, but since it was 8:17, he assumed that the school zone speed limit was over. He did not see any flashing lights for a school zone (there are none heading in one direction in that town, but there are lights heading the other way). Anyways…he gets pulled over going 32 mph, in a 20 zone. And since it’s a school zone, the fine is doubled. Frustrating and irritating beyond belief. He gets the ticket, and gets home with it…and we spent a good 20 minutes trying to figure out what the ticket said. The price of the ticket was not legible, nor was the phone number to call, nor was the address to mail it to. We finally got the phone number on the page figured out, and called…no answer. Theo left a voicemail, explaining that he did not know where to send it, and asked them to call back. Two days later, no call…so Theo calls again. Same story, second verse. Two days later, Theo calls and after a loooong time on the phone, he finally gets the amount of his ticket (an amount that made both of us cry and just about took away all the money I will get for graduation gifts) and an address to send the check. He sends the check to the address that was given to him, and two days later we get the check back, with a note that this was not the correct location to send it to (???????????????!!!!?????????). Theo then mails the check again to the “CORRECT” location. Today I arrive home from grocery shopping (and man those groceries cost more than we have in our bank account…) and there is a letter saying that Theo will get his license taken away as of May since he has not paid his ticket. He will then be arrested if he does not pay it immediately. Oh, and btw- since you didn’t pay it right away, you have to pay a $20 late fee.
ARE YOU STINKING KIDDING ME?????
(sorry, that was a looooong rant, but it really needed to be said.)
Trust- All that being said, now is the time to trust. The time to trust God with our future- whether that is tomorrow, May 1, May 4 (graduation), next year, or twenty years down the road. I must trust God with our finances, our plans, our marriage, our children. And you know what? All of those things that I just labeled as ‘ours’? Those things never belonged to Theo and I in the first place- they have always belonged to God. God never promised rainbows and butterflies, but he does ask that we trust Him in all things. Trust is not an easy thing. But at this time in my life, trust is absolutely vital. It’s time to trust God. It’s time to trust Theo. In some ways, it is also time to trust myself.
Anticipation- oh, this one weighs on me often! I anticipate graduation, and having the month of May off! I anticipate one day having children and learning how to be a Mom. I anticipate hopefully moving overseas. I anticipate adventures that Theo and I will have. Anticipation is a wonderful feeling for me….so much to look forward to, so much to do, so little stopping me!
Surprise- Hmm, this one–not so much. I am surprised at where I am today. Four years ago, when I graduated high school, I had NO idea I would be a wife, be an almost-teacher, or still be living in Ohio. I am surprised at the things that God has brought me through- the things that have made me stronger instead of weaker. I am surprised at how I keep falling more and more in love with Theo each day. I am surprised to find that I will miss student teaching, even though right now that is one of the last things on my mind. Our God is not predictable by human standards- He is a God of surprises from our standpoint. But the awesome thing is that nothing surprises Him. He has it all in His hands.