I’m a routine person. I have my routine down pat. On Mondays and Fridays I sweep the floors, on Tuesdays I clean the bathrooms, on Wednesdays I vacuum the carpets, on Thursdays and Saturdays I do laundry. I always wake up at 7, and do household chores (bake bread, wash the dishes, clean, make the bed, do devotions, feed the chickens, etc.) until noon, then get ready to head to work at 1. I work all afternoon and then head home to make dinner and (usually) spend the evening with Theo.
I usually always have music playing. I usually always am moving, moving, moving.
And then something happens that totally throws off the routine. In this case, it is the death of our precious dog, Hansi. Yesterday when I woke up, I made myself do at least five things. If I didn’t do that, I knew I wouldn’t ever get out of bed or make it to work. I completed my five things, but spent most of the rest of the day staring off into space and just generally grieving.
Today I woke up a quiet house. Theo is at work. I am supposed to babysit this morning, but school was cancelled for the parents, so no baby today. The snow is falling outside. We put the tree up last night and the lights are twinkling. I have a blanket and the cat curled up with me. My devotions are finished, a whole page of journaling is helping me to release the grief that I have been feeling. There is no music, no Netflix, no cars driving by. All I can hear is the ticking of the clock and an occasional deep purr from Moose.
Sometimes I need something to come ripping through my routine. To throw me off balance. To make me reel until all I can do is sit in a quiet house and stare off into space. Because there and then is when I can feel the Spirit move, the comfort that comes only from Christ, the peace that passes understanding. That is when I turn from my list-checking and my constant drive to move, move, move. I sit down and I curl up and I just have time to think and let the raw emotions lead me closer to the Savior.
Thank you all SO MUCH for the texts, the comments, the posts, the emails, the phone calls, the prayers. I never knew that so many people cared so much about how I feel about a dog. I am so humbled and blessed and treasure so much the care and prayers that you are sending to Theo and I.
11 And he said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper.[a] 13 And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”